The Light Beyond

Share YOUR story with our readers

Why not share your story with all our readers, so that others can learn and grow from your own experiences of grief and loss? Simply click on one of the Contact Us buttons to send us your story. Submission criteria...

A video to comfort the grieving

"If you are suffering from the loss of a loved one (pet or person), I hope this video brings you comfort and peace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URYqCw9HhKg&feature=channel_video_title

Richard Olsenius is the photographer who took the picture of Ed Mulrenin saying goodbye to his beloved German Shepherd Sonntag at the front of the piece. Their article from National Geographic was an inspiration for this song. The vocalist is my co-writer; the inimitable Diane Durrett. Video and music produced by me, Jayne Olderman."

Allow The Healing To Begin

The loss of a loved one can bring along with it inconsolable grief and sadness. Losing someone to death can create such an incredible amount of distress. Whether we experience the death of a spouse, parent, child, or close friend, the degree to which we grieve over the loss of a loved one can only be measured on an individual basis due to the fact that everyone feels the sense of loss in different ways.

It is human nature for us to experience grief when someone dies. How we express this grief depends on several factors. One of the most difficult losses a person can face is the death of a loved one unexpectedly. When a death occurs without any forewarning, those left behind are often overwhelmed with disbelief and sadness. A death of a child can be equally as tragic and heartbreaking. The level of grief and mourning for such losses can lead to depression, melancholy, and heightened anxiety.

Regardless of the nature and circumstances surrounding a personal loss, the means by which a person deals with such emotions is complex. Following the loss of a loved one, we tend to progress through several stages of grief which ultimately lead to a sense of emotional healing.

Traditionally, there are five recognized stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each person who experiences a loss will most likely go through each stage, but not necessarily at the same pace as others. Within the stages of grief are emotional hurdles to overcome. When we finally reach the last stage of grief, acceptance, our emotional wounds are ready to begin the true healing process.

One of the most important phases we must reach that will allow you to heal from the death of a loved one is to recognize that grieving is a necessary and natural part of dealing with a loss. Many people find themselves pushing away such feelings due to their uncomfortable nature. The sooner you allow yourself to feel the depth of the grief, the greater chance of moving more smoothly through the emotional process.

Healing emotionally also takes an exceptional amount of patience. As with physical wounds, time is a factor in healing emotional wounds as well. There are a variety of methods people use in order to pass through the healing time without being overcome by the process. Engaging in social activities with friends and family can help the healing process by by connecting emotionally to others in a healthy manner. Remembering and honoring the good moments you had with your departed loved one can also be helpful. Our memories keep them alive in our hearts and minds.

Kathleen Hubert is a blogger who writes on a variety of topics. You can read some of her other work at auto loan rates.

Bereavement counselling resources

Standing in a church waiting for the service to start may not even make what has happened real, so why is it that hearing a song can suddenly leave you in an uncontrollable state of devastation? Grief affects everyone differently and you need to find a way of coping that is right for you.

The loss of a loved one will change our lives, and it can take us years to accept this and understand what has happened. Feeling irritated, angry and depressed is normal; many of us will take these feelings out on our loved ones, but it is important to try and think about what you are doing as these are the people you have here with you now.

The truth about grief is that it is unpredictable, daunting and will almost certainly change our lives. With bereavement, as with most troubling times, it is important not to push how you are feeling aside but instead face what is happening even if life now seems incredibly scary and lonely. Carrying on your life as if nothing has happened may seem like the best solution for you, but when the smallest thing goes wrong you may release all the emotions you have been bottling up. It is important to give yourself some time and space to allow you to process what has happened and work out how you life has now changed.

Coping with bereavement will be a different experience for everyone, some can return to their lives in a fairly uncomplicated way, however many people need a little more help. At this point it may be worth considering bereavement counselling or getting in contact with a bereavement charity. In a safe environment, you can talk about your feelings and the ups and downs you have been experiencing.

The Yearning Tree: a bereavement book for children

Author Gina Farago wrote to me recently about the grief book she wrote for children: "After my parents and brother-in-law died, I felt so hopeless, but then God put it on my heart to become a Hospice volunteer along with my therapy dog, Skittles. After that experience, which was the beginning of my own personal healing, I wrote "The Yearning Tree: A Children's Bereavement Resource".

It is difficult for children to express their feelings, especially when it comes to the sadness and confusion experienced due to the loss of a loved one. Parents, teachers, and counselors can use this beautifully photographed book and its accompanying questions as a platform to promote discussion with a child about the grieving process.

Children will relate to Maggie and Skittles, two happy-go-lucky dogs whose lives are suddenly changed when Maggie’s friend Sammy dies and is buried by the old tree on the hill. Your child will join these two friends as they each explore the different stages of grief from two different perspectives: Maggie is sorrowful and mourns her loss daily at the old tree, while Skittles is at her wit’s end about how to help Maggie through the grief -- until it is discovered that listening and love are the answers.

www.theyearningtree.net

Najwa's story of love and loss

I grew up in Beirut, Lebanon, one of five children in a household of many wants and demands.  My physical needs were met but my heart was hungry for love.  One day I met my prince, a jewel amongst them all.  We were wed in love and magic under a blanket of stars, with dozens of family and friends wishing us a good Life. 

It was during the honeymoon that my prince was diagnosed with cancer.  I was pregnant.  He died soon after.

I gave birth to a healthy boy and gave him his father’s name.  I kept to myself for years and decades.  I nurtured my child on my own and vowed never to marry again.  I always remembered the father with honour and respect.

We were a happy family of two; mother and child.  We were contented in our home together.  I went to work.  He went to school.  We did not have much to live on but we managed.  We felt secured in our home for the love between us was our bond.

Then one night, we were startled by the sound of an explosion.  Dust was every where.  He woke up crying; we spent the night in the shelters.  The next night there was another explosion and a third.  Night after night we were seeking refuge somewhere.  Dust filled the air and gunpowder smoke filled our lungs.

It was time to leave.  We never looked back; we did not go back.  We did not live happily ever after for there was a block in our throats.  We were refugees and were never safe again.  We lived thousands of miles apart and we were both away from our home.  When we met, we found delight in spite of our bleeding scars.

I worked in different countries to help the oppressed.  I went wherever there was a need for human rights.  There were many struggles for us both, until my son became an adult and started building his own life.  I visited him whenever I could.  And when I was in poor health, he nursed me with tenderness and care. 

Haas, my son looked like his father.  He was handsome, fit and with lots of gifts to give.  He cherished life and his soul was satisfied.  I often looked with wonder at my son and thanked the Divine for the rewards bestowed after all the suffering and the pain.

Haas became a writer and resided in tranquillity in a cabin in the mountain Rockies, Boulder, USA.  He wrote sad stories never told and wrote poems that cried with concern for all.  He wrote about the devastating war, about the hate and anger that divides people and keeps families apart.  He wanted to tell the world that war was just like dust.  Nothing comes out of it except loss of lives and twisted minds.

He wrote and wrote until one day he could write no more.  He put all his writings in his only suitcase and headed directly to the airport.  After 25 years he was going home, to Beirut.  He did just that, he took a one way ticket to join his fathers’ roots.  I was too frail to make the trip with him. I blessed him and bid him farewell.

In his childhood home, where his father died and he was born, he found his love and lots of joy.  For no reason at all, one afternoon, he bent his head on the sofa, ‘he was a little tired’ he said. 

A telephone call came for me echoing a hollow sound and I heard:

‘C o m e  i d e n t i f y  t h e  b o d y’.
 
Haas was buried with his father’s bones.

By Najwa