The Light Beyond

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Meredith's story: please don't drink and drive

On September 13 at 3:00 am Joey lost his life about 8 hours later Zach lost his.  I was at work when Katelyn texted me saying Zach and Joey got into a car accident and died.  I didn't believe her until I called her and heard her shaky voice. I collapsed into a chair and began weeping and repeating no this cannot be true you're lying you're lying. . . . I barely made it to my house through the tears streaming down my face.  Zach and Joey were both only 19 years old.  They were two of the best friends a girl could ever ask for.  I was always Zach's girl that is how everyone knew me. . . .wherever we went everyone always called me his girl. We would always go out and party and then when we would get hungry about 2-3 in the morning we would always make BK runs.

This was an every night thing we never thought twice about drinking and driving until the day we lost two of the people we loved the most.  Zach and Joey were going over 100 when Joey lost control and hit a tree. 

Joey died on impact and Zach was barely holding on. They had to cut Zach's leg off to get him out of the car because the motor was sitting in his lap.  Zach and I were very close for a long time.  We would do everything together and just sit there for hours in the car talking about our lives and our dreams for the future. I never imagined that we would not be able to full fill those dreams and then sit in the car and talk about how far we had come in our lives.  Just because of one stupid decision made on a rainy night I lost two of my best friends.  I am thankful that no one else got hurt in this accident because it could have been a lot worse they could have hit another car instead of the tree they hit.  I miss them both terribly though Zach's death hits me a little closer because we were so close.  If my fiance had not been off of work that night I would have been in that car with them and I too would not be living today. 

I would give the world to bring Zach and Joey back to have one more hug from them and hear there voices one last time.  I never imagined my life without these two boys in it.  Its so empty without them I often catch myself going to dial Zach's number or looking at every car that looks like his to see if he is in it.  I miss riding my horse to Joeys house everyday just to hear him complain because my horse pooped in his driveway.  Because they decided to make that horrible decision that every single one of us that hung out has made they lost there lives and I will never be able to have them with me again.  I wish that people would learn to not drink and drive before they have to endure such a great loss like I did.  Two of the most caring loving people that were in my life are now gone for forever and I will forever have a hole in my heart where they used to be. 

Please don't drink and drive or let others drink and drive because yeah one night you may be fine but you never know what could happen the next time.

What about regrets? How do you cope with those?

Since death often ends relationships so abruptly, it's human nature to always wish you had done something differently. It may help to remind yourself that you did the best you could do, and that no matter how hard you try, some things will always be left unsaid and undone.

Try hard to forgive yourself, just as your loved one would most certainly forgive you.

Stay in touch with grieving friends and relatives

Make sure you don’t avoid a grieving friend or relative because you are worried about being intrusive at a tough time. Our society teaches us to back away from mourners and give them time, when what most grieving people really want and need is some form of contact. Even if they're not up for a long talk, just hearing a friendly voice on the other end of the line can be enough to make a hard day seem more bearable.

In the words of one of the bereavement counselors who posts on our forum: “When I started working for hospice, I was surprised to find that our bereavement protocol requires us to call family members the very day after the loss. I was worried that it was intrusive. But in the entire time I've worked for hospice, I've never had a family member say that they wish I hadn't called. Usually what I hear is, "It's so good to talk to someone who will just listen." "Everyone else seems to be backing away." And even, "It's like people want to pretend she didn't exist."

That first phone call is so hard, but so important. Just do it…

On Moving On - Something I Thought Might Be Helpful

The ever-helpful azaleaeight just posted this in the Light Beyond bereavement forum: "Moving on" isn't always as simple as we think it should be, and it often seems to take more time than most of us think it should. The article below addresses the not-so-black-and-white matters of moving on.

http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-move-on-after-death-of-a-love-one_2