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« August 2007 | Main | October 2007 »

September 2007

September 22, 2007

What are the warning signs?

Here's some useful information about what to look out for if you are worried that someone may be thinking of taking their own life. It comes from the Suicide Risk Assessment page of the Light Beyond's grief library:

What are the warning signs?

Suicide prevention experts have initiated a host of risk factors and signs to watch for when assessing the likelihood of suicide. Most experts agree that more times than not, suicide victims leave clues as to their intentions, often referred to as "cries for help." These clues can be giving away possessions, good-bye notes, comments like "You won't have me to kick around anymore" and violent drawings. In addition, a suicidal person may exhibit behavior changes such as:

  • a change in appearance or hygiene
  • change in appetite
  • sleep disturbance
  • change in work or school performance
  • mood disturbance
  • risky behavior, and
  • pre-occupation with death.

If you are a friend or relative of a person you believe may be in trouble and contemplating taking his or her own life, it is wise to heed these warning signs and err on the side of caution. All too often we hear from family members or close friends the one sentence we hate to hear: "I didn't think he meant it."

The most important risk factors when assessing suicide

The professional tool utilized in suicide prevention is called a "risk assessment." A recent survey sent randomly to 500 practicing psychologists revealed their views of the most important risk factors in assessing suicide. They included, but are not limited to:

  • the medical seriousness of previous attempts
  • a history of suicide attempts
  • acute suicidal ideation
  • severe hopelessness
  • attraction to death
  • family history of suicide
  • acute overuse of drugs or alcohol, and
  • loss and separation.

Triggering events or situations may include medication issues and interactions, social triggers and events like the loss of a loved one, ostracism, divorce, trauma, anniversaries, media violence and change in employment status. If someone you know is talking about suicide and especially if he or she has a plan of how they might take their life, always let someone know. If you are concerned about someone you love, a good place to start is by talking to them and telling them that you care. Giving someone hope and letting them know they are loved goes a long way in helping suicidal people. Professional help is available through the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

What else can you do if you are really worried about someone?

A very useful source of practical information, which is aimed at the suicidal themselves, is the Suicide: Read This First page. If you know of someone who is feeling suicidal, try to get them to read this page; it will only take about five minutes. For those of us trying to prevent suicide, it also contains Handling a call from a suicidal person, a very helpful ten-point list that you can print out and keep near your phone or computer, and What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal?

September 18, 2007

A lighter heart...

A quote from the excellent book Lewis_3A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, written after the death of his wife Joy: "Something quite unexpected has happened. It came this morning early. For various reasons, not in themselves at all mysterious, my heart was lighter than it had been for many weeks. For one thing, I suppose I am recovering physically from a good deal of mere exhaustion. ... And suddenly, at the very moment when, so far, I mourned H. least, I remembered her best. Indeed, it was something (almost) better than memory; an instantaneous, unanswerable impression. To say it was like a meeting would be going too far. Yet there was that in it which tempts one to use those words. It was as if the lifting of the sorrow removed a barrier.

Why has no one told me these things? How easily I might have misjudged another man in the same situation? I might have said, ‘He's got over it. He’s forgotten his wife,’ when the truth was, ‘He remembers her better because he has partly got over it.’

Such was the fact. And I believe I can make sense of it. You can't see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears. You can't, in most things, get what you want if you want it too desperately: anyway, you can't get the best out of it. ‘Now! Let’s have a real good talk’ reduces everyone to silence. ‘I must get a good sleep tonight’ ushers in hours of wakefulness. Delicious drinks are wasted on a really ravenous thirst. Is it similarly the very intensity of the longing that draws the iron curtain, that makes us feel we are staring into a vacuum when we think about our dead?"

C.S. Lewis (1898-1963)

September 15, 2007

Don't just do something - sit there...

"Listening and really hearing what another person has to say is so important. When I was going to school to get my social work degree, one of my professors used to say, "Don't just do something - sit there." It can be hard to sit and listen to someone in intense pain or someone struggling with life and death issues, but often I've found that just listening and being a witness helps more than any advice I could possibly give."

Valuable advice posted by the ever-helpful Calypso on The Light Beyond bereavement forum - thank you!

September 09, 2007

Advice for grieving children

Some helpful words by the Child Bereavement Trust:

What is OK

  • To cry and feel low and depressed
  • To feel angry, embarrassed and not want to talk about your feelings
  • To copy some of the activities your loved one had before they died, but you need to retain your own life too
  • 'Live in the past' for a while. It can help you to keep alive the memory of your parent, your brother or sister, for example, but try not to let life pass you by
  • Have fun and enjoy life, to laugh again and forget for a while, forgive yourself for the fights and arguments and nasty things you might have said to your loved one who died
  • Go on living

What's not OK

  • To use drugs or excessive alcohol to dull your senses. This can only act as an escape and hide the pain, not helping to heal it, and it will then take longer to accept the hurt
  • Act out your frustration with reckless driving or skipping school
  • Do things with your anger that can hurt other people because you are hurting yourself
  • Experiment casually with sex, just to get close to someone
  • Hide your feelings and not talk about what is bothering you
  • Act as the scapegoat or bad guy to appear tough

Any thoughts or experiences? Please post them here!

September 06, 2007

An inspirational thought...

"No one’s death comes to pass without making some impression, and those close to the deceased inherit part of the liberated soul and become richer in their humanness."

Hermann Broch (1886-1951)

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