Mother's Day will always be the anniversary of my son's death, no matter what date it falls on. May 9, 2010, the day I lost a piece of my heart. I have vivid memories of that day but they are brief glimpses only. He called that morning to tell me Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you! I remember being 250 miles away from my home, my other child and my family. I don't know how I threw everything I had into a suitcase and drove that distance home in the middle of the night. I can picture the scene when I finally arrived and fell into my own mom and dad's arms and collapsed. The rest is a blur. A month later, I am still numb. I cry but it is the strangest things that trigger it. Not sure what to do with all the emotion I have bottled up inside me but it scares me what might happen when the floodgates decide to open up. I am thankful I was blessed with 23 years of being his mother. I got to see him grow into this amazing young man. All the nevers kill me though... not seeing him married, not getting to be a daddy, not getting to finish travelling the world like he wanted to. I would give anything to have him back, to have one more bear hug, one more silly joke, one more meal together. Sometimes I'm afraid I will forget all the special things about him - that actually terrifies me.
Staci
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