The loss of a son

Mother's Day will always be the anniversary of my son's death, no matter what date it falls on. May 9, 2010, the day I lost a piece of my heart. I have vivid memories of that day but they are brief glimpses only. He called that morning to tell me Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you! I remember being 250 miles away from my home, my other child and my family. I don't know how I threw everything I had into a suitcase and drove that distance home in the middle of the night. I can picture the scene when I finally arrived and fell into my own mom and dad's arms and collapsed. The rest is a blur. A month later, I am still numb. I cry but it is the strangest things that trigger it. Not sure what to do with all the emotion I have bottled up inside me but it scares me what might happen when the floodgates decide to open up. I am thankful I was blessed with 23 years of being his mother. I got to see him grow into this amazing young man. All the nevers kill me though... not seeing him married, not getting to be a daddy, not getting to finish travelling the world like he wanted to. I would give anything to have him back, to have one more bear hug, one more silly joke, one more meal together. Sometimes I'm afraid I will forget all the special things about him - that actually terrifies me.

Staci

Comments

[Carolyn Aldridge]

Oh Staci - I so feel your pain. I lost my son in similar circumstances - I will never get over the feelings of guilt. Nothing will ever be the same again. May you have the strength to carry on x

[Ruby Taylor]

Truly, life is an adventure. We either hide from them or engage them. There is no promise that afflictions will always be cured, but I do believe that healing can take place, which sets in motion the new experiences waiting for us.

[Grief Out]

When a parent dies, you lose your past; when a child dies, you lose your future. This space is with me all the time it seems. Sometimes the empty space is so real I can almost touch it. I can almost see it. It gets so big sometimes that I can't see anything else.

[tia]

I am not the mother but the sister in this situation, my 34 year old brother died on christmas morning 2010. Leaving me: his younger sister behind, our oldest brother behind and both parents. I dont know how we will ever get through christmas day again :(

[heartbroken mom]

my son died on october 17 2010, he had just turned 20 years old, i will miss him till i die

[Angela]

My 27 yr old brother died on Jan 6 2011 with a little over a month battle with Cancer. It kills me because we were so close we saw each other every day except when he was on shift at the fire dept. My heart feels empty. I do have his kids left though but I am so sad for them because he was such a good daddy and their mother wont even let them mention his name now.