Thoughts on the five stages of grief

If you have lost a loved one, or if someone you know is grieving, you might find yourself wondering ‘What are these five stages of grief I keep hearing about?’ and how they relate to you. Let me explain a little more about the five stages.

Author Elisabeth Kübler-Ross – a much respected grief expert who was also one of the pioneers of hospice in the US – wrote the definitive book on this subject, On Death and Dying, over thirty years ago. When people discuss the stages of grief, they are most often referring to the five stages of grief that she defined.

In order, the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, and I’ll go into each of these stages in more detail over the next few days.

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom, health). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated that a person will always experience at least two.

So it’s important to remember that not everyone goes through the five stages of grief. Perhaps it helps to see the stages as a rough map to help mourners make sense of what they are going through; grief is unique to each mourner and to each loss.