| I would like to share my story about the death of my mother that I think should give everyone comfort.
I can remember ever since I was little my mom had been in & out of the hospital. About 15 years ago, we discovered she had gotten Hepatitis C from a blood transfusion when I was a baby in 1981 or 1982. So in recent years, my mom was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. We weren't very educated with what that was but she just kept getting worse. She began telling us Thanksgiving 2009, that this might be her last thanksgiving with us. The same Christmas, New Years, and any other occasion that came about before her death. So I was the one who took care of her. I would wash her if she needed (not very often), I researched how to heal her & help her. I didn't want to lose my mom. But she looked at me as her nurse. So 2 weeks before she died, I was covering her up. She asked me "do you love me" i said "of course I do" but I remember she had death on her face. I knew I was gonna lose my mom soon.
So when she was in her last days, she got a stiff neck. I felt so horrible because I couldn't help her. I tried everything. The day she went to the hospital I was at a custody hearing for my cousin, so I had my dad & my sister call 911 to get her out of bed. She immediately was admitted to ICU where she went into a light coma. I knew when I walked in her room that day at home, she was not coming back. When I saw her in the hospital I knew my mom was in her last days. One night, I told her, "Mom, if you have to go -go ahead. I will take care of dad & Ray (my son that she loved & cared for, who also called her mom)." She kept trying to respond but I couldn't understand her. Never did I think my mom was scared she was strong. She wanted to be out of pain. That very weekend she asked God to stop her pain. I always thought my mom was the strongest person ever.
So that night I went home and started falling asleep. The hall light was on and my door open so as soon as I went to sleep, I saw a figure come in my room and realized it was my mom. I got like a scared feeling but had no fear and thought for a second that she died. That's when I looked at her and asked "mom? are you dead? No, you're not dead? what? what?" then she and I were in a dark room. I don't know where, I don't know why but she didn't say one word to me the whole time. I just knew how she felt. She just looked at me and I knew what she was saying. She kept pulling me to go with her and she let me know how scared she was. I kept telling her I wish I could go but I can't I have to stay and not to be scared. She's gonna be with God. So she continued to pull me with her and that's when I woke up. I told my boyfriend "Chris you have to hug me, she wants me to go with her and keeps pulling me you have to hug me." He hugged me and I fell back to sleep immediately and when my mom and I were back in that room she was sad. This time there was a window between us. I kept telling her not to be scared. So I woke up crying and finally had cried myself to sleep. It was so hard to tell the woman who raised me and took care of me for 27 years that she had to let go.
The next morning we got a call from my family, somehow we overslept but we were told we had to hurry. Bring my son. We got there fast and I knew as soon as i saw my momma she was so mad at me. She didn't want to even look at me. She was very weak and taking short breaths but somehow it was so peaceful in her room. Tons of family members at her bedside as she took her last breaths of air. I heard her wince in pain "help me help me" and got hysterical. I started yelling and crying and in Spanish. She told my dad, Gilbert - tell them to shut up. So we all started laughing a little and the tears came back watching her. Then all of a sudden she looked up & reached up towards the ceiling and yelled "OPEN THE DOOR." A few minutes later she slapped her forehead and we were told that was because no oxygen was getting to her brain, and she took her last breaths here on earth. It was the hardest thing not being able to help her but so peaceful.
She died with a room full of loved ones and with my son holding one hand and me the other, while my dad closed her eyes for her and told her to not hold on anymore.
When my mom yelled "open the door" there is no doubt she in my mind she about what she was saying. I know she saw the gates of Heaven. My oldest sister later told me she saw her look up earlier before I got there, I assume, and said she was nodding her head looking up "yes, i know, okay." My other cousin in the room said he felt an earthquake for a quick minute. There is no doubt in my head my mom is in Heaven. I feel so blessed to have witnessed what I did.
A week later was my last visit from her. I was home, crying myself to sleep hugging the pillow. I must have cried myself to sleep but I started getting that scared feeling again. Then all of a sudden I was on my mom's lap instead of the pillow and just kept crying and saying "but mom it just hurts so much." and I heard her voice say as she played with my hair with my head in her lap "I know baby I know." I didn't see her face but I know it was her.
Her funeral was the hardest thing but it went so right. It was beautiful. Even in death she is unique. I never cried so hard than the day we buried my mom. I know I cried hard. I had people asking if I was okay because they thought I was never gonna stop. But I was the baby. My mom was the most giving, loving, forgiving - kind sweet teacher. I know she wasn't perfect but as a mother, she was. She taught me not to judge people and she taught me to forgive. She never turned me away and always showed me love. Life has been hard without her but we have to keep going. I know I will see her again one day and look forward to it, I try and pass on what she taught me and show my son the same kind of love. I miss her but it would be selfish to say I wish she was still here. She was in pain and now she's not. She's in heaven. I can't feel sorry for myself only be happy for her since she was truly an angel. I later looked up what the window meant in the dream dictionary and it meant "abandonment." My mom thought I abandoned her.
My mom's name was Delinda Velazquez who is now resting peacefully since 9/17/09.
Sincerely,
Shirley Velazquez
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